He's gone on to a better place...
Joy of joys - my first funeral since my DH's over three years ago (one blessing of coming from a smaller family). It's my dad's cousin, Jack. Jack was diagnosed with terminal cancer one week, then he up & dies from a heart attack the next. My kinda guy - don't let's fuck around with chemo and radiation and being in horrific pain for a year, let's get this done now.
As funerals go, it was fine.
The two grown grandsons seemed to be taking it really hard. Scuttlebutt has it that their dad was a drunken bastard and a total waste of air space, and that their grandpa pretty much raised them along with their mom. Said drunken son...got drunk the night before the funeral home calling, so the family historians (aka 'gossips') have a new tale to add to their repertoire.
The daughter was trying to out-widow the widow - all during the calling hours, she never stepped away from the head of the casket; for the funeral she had on a black suit, with a little black hat with black netting pulled down over her face. Now, this doesn't sound too bad until you realize that these are NOT 'hat-wearing' people, and it really DID make her look more like the wife than the daughter (but, I hear she and her dad were 'sickeningly' close - this, from P, who's Christian ways would NEVER let her speak poorly of anyone. Oh PLEASE catch my eyes before they fall out) She did find the disadvantage of being an inexperienced hat-wearer - when people hug you (as they are wont to do at a funeral), your hat will tilt - maybe fall off - so, you essentially lose one hand, as it's now needed for holding onto said hat, and/or adjusting veil after each hug.
Anyway, the service was fine. They played a couple of tear-jerker songs to "soften the heart to prepare it to hear the word of the Lord" (cross my heart, that is what the man said). There was also a sort of free-association play going on with the word 'heart'... You have to put your 'heart and soul' into it....she is 'near to my heart'....let's get to 'the heart of the matter'. Maybe the minister didn't realize he had just died from a heart attack?? It could have just been me, but I found myself wincing each time he said one of these. But, the service was nice, the minister did know Jack, which helps, and no one became melodramatic (although a not-well-liked SIL would NOT quit stage-whispering, and P had to audibly agree with every statement the minister made).
Jack was in the Navy, so there were miltary grave-side services, and that was very nice. (There were some men with guns at my grandfather's funeral, from the State Police, but I don't remember the details - they were there because HE had been with the State Police, he hadn't been the object of a man-hunt.) There was a color guard and 7 armed men from the VFW to do a 21-gun salute, and they had an older naval officer-type and a young (and very hot, btw) basic sailor-type who did a little saluting routine, then folded the flag & gave it to Marilyn - that was nice, it was quiet & dignified, all I could hear when he gave her the flag was "May I present this on behalf of the President of the United States, and a grateful nation", the rest was inaudible from where I stood. (Now, if Jack thought he meant on behalf of THIS president...omg, let's not even go there). This was certainly my 'favorite' part.
This was at the cemetery where my grandmother is. (Also a grandfather I never knew, and various great-aunts, uncles etc.), and where Dad & P will be. Oh, and there are 2 'lots' on the other side of my grandparents, that are for sale. Thank you P & Century 21, for this commercial announcement. (I should add that Jenny will NOT discuss dying, death, funerals, wills, pre-planning, etc.....Honey, it's not just a river in Egypt any longer...) So I think, since I'm alone (and will never amount to anything is somehow the unspoken part of that), I'm supposed to buy these - I am not sure why I need 2, Jenny will go wherever Clint's people go, and if Luke goes out there, it will be over where Lowell's family is (yes, o lord, our families have a town cemetery in common).
The church had a dinner afterward, and that was nice. I got to play with/hold a baby, I was thinking about R the whole time! I like those smart, alert babies, who are generally content, and who watch what's going on around them & react accordingly (as opposed to the noisy nervous ones that cry all the time no matter what). This was 'the doctor's' baby (everyone, and I'm ashamed to say, including Dad, are all very impressed with Mark's son, the doctor.) OH, and excuse me, he's not just a doctor, he's a SURGEON. On top of that, his wife is...well, I heard variously 'Hawaiian', 'Polynesian', and 'from Georgia'. (this cracked me up SOOO bad, I was silently PMSL - as if being from Georgia might explain the slanted eyes...do we hear banjos in the background, people?)
It was just so funny watching these people watch them - admiring the Doctor, and trying to fawn on him, the wife and the baby, while acting like they were just regular white people. And the part that really tells the story is that the wife is so cultured, so gracious, so much classier than these people - that she allows them to feel superior to her, she's just the picture of poise, and appreciation. I know I'm not conveying this well, but it was THE little drama that defined those people for me. Oh, and on top of all that, she's an anesthesiologist, 'almost a doctor' too. But she's staying home with the baby at least until they 'get home' (to Georgia, he's working in Philly for the time being), so at least she does 'subservient female' well. OUCH!! Eye sprain!
I'm sure glad it's Sunday now.
As funerals go, it was fine.
The two grown grandsons seemed to be taking it really hard. Scuttlebutt has it that their dad was a drunken bastard and a total waste of air space, and that their grandpa pretty much raised them along with their mom. Said drunken son...got drunk the night before the funeral home calling, so the family historians (aka 'gossips') have a new tale to add to their repertoire.
The daughter was trying to out-widow the widow - all during the calling hours, she never stepped away from the head of the casket; for the funeral she had on a black suit, with a little black hat with black netting pulled down over her face. Now, this doesn't sound too bad until you realize that these are NOT 'hat-wearing' people, and it really DID make her look more like the wife than the daughter (but, I hear she and her dad were 'sickeningly' close - this, from P, who's Christian ways would NEVER let her speak poorly of anyone. Oh PLEASE catch my eyes before they fall out) She did find the disadvantage of being an inexperienced hat-wearer - when people hug you (as they are wont to do at a funeral), your hat will tilt - maybe fall off - so, you essentially lose one hand, as it's now needed for holding onto said hat, and/or adjusting veil after each hug.
Anyway, the service was fine. They played a couple of tear-jerker songs to "soften the heart to prepare it to hear the word of the Lord" (cross my heart, that is what the man said). There was also a sort of free-association play going on with the word 'heart'... You have to put your 'heart and soul' into it....she is 'near to my heart'....let's get to 'the heart of the matter'. Maybe the minister didn't realize he had just died from a heart attack?? It could have just been me, but I found myself wincing each time he said one of these. But, the service was nice, the minister did know Jack, which helps, and no one became melodramatic (although a not-well-liked SIL would NOT quit stage-whispering, and P had to audibly agree with every statement the minister made).
Jack was in the Navy, so there were miltary grave-side services, and that was very nice. (There were some men with guns at my grandfather's funeral, from the State Police, but I don't remember the details - they were there because HE had been with the State Police, he hadn't been the object of a man-hunt.) There was a color guard and 7 armed men from the VFW to do a 21-gun salute, and they had an older naval officer-type and a young (and very hot, btw) basic sailor-type who did a little saluting routine, then folded the flag & gave it to Marilyn - that was nice, it was quiet & dignified, all I could hear when he gave her the flag was "May I present this on behalf of the President of the United States, and a grateful nation", the rest was inaudible from where I stood. (Now, if Jack thought he meant on behalf of THIS president...omg, let's not even go there). This was certainly my 'favorite' part.
This was at the cemetery where my grandmother is. (Also a grandfather I never knew, and various great-aunts, uncles etc.), and where Dad & P will be. Oh, and there are 2 'lots' on the other side of my grandparents, that are for sale. Thank you P & Century 21, for this commercial announcement. (I should add that Jenny will NOT discuss dying, death, funerals, wills, pre-planning, etc.....Honey, it's not just a river in Egypt any longer...) So I think, since I'm alone (and will never amount to anything is somehow the unspoken part of that), I'm supposed to buy these - I am not sure why I need 2, Jenny will go wherever Clint's people go, and if Luke goes out there, it will be over where Lowell's family is (yes, o lord, our families have a town cemetery in common).
The church had a dinner afterward, and that was nice. I got to play with/hold a baby, I was thinking about R the whole time! I like those smart, alert babies, who are generally content, and who watch what's going on around them & react accordingly (as opposed to the noisy nervous ones that cry all the time no matter what). This was 'the doctor's' baby (everyone, and I'm ashamed to say, including Dad, are all very impressed with Mark's son, the doctor.) OH, and excuse me, he's not just a doctor, he's a SURGEON. On top of that, his wife is...well, I heard variously 'Hawaiian', 'Polynesian', and 'from Georgia'. (this cracked me up SOOO bad, I was silently PMSL - as if being from Georgia might explain the slanted eyes...do we hear banjos in the background, people?)
It was just so funny watching these people watch them - admiring the Doctor, and trying to fawn on him, the wife and the baby, while acting like they were just regular white people. And the part that really tells the story is that the wife is so cultured, so gracious, so much classier than these people - that she allows them to feel superior to her, she's just the picture of poise, and appreciation. I know I'm not conveying this well, but it was THE little drama that defined those people for me. Oh, and on top of all that, she's an anesthesiologist, 'almost a doctor' too. But she's staying home with the baby at least until they 'get home' (to Georgia, he's working in Philly for the time being), so at least she does 'subservient female' well. OUCH!! Eye sprain!
I'm sure glad it's Sunday now.
posted by Dolly @ 10:41 AM
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